I spend days to find or to compose the correspondent word for my thought
I encountered this adjective – “agathokakological” while I was organizing my collection of personal concepts for my thought processes to make a personal dictionary. I found this term in a phrase written by the English poet Robert Southey (1813-1843): “For indeed upon the agathokakological globe there are opposite qualities always to be found.” It is truly one of the best combinations I have ever used, different from official academic repetitions. So, I have decided to apply this adjective, a combination of “good” and “evil” together (agathos – good + kakos-bad, evil + logos-study), as the title of my daily reflection.
My first try of narrating life – “WATER, Man the Narrator”
For years, I avoided the powerful desire to write down my feelings on paper or any other means of communication. But I couldn't help it, and as a result, fifteen years ago I started my comic story "WATER, Man the Narrator" to narrate my story philosophically and epistemologically to understand myself. The comic story still gives me a lot of fun and helps me to cohesively organize the relevant logical patterns of my mind. I have started to communicate my world view synthetically and concisely in comic dialogues. I am experiencing how my dynamic world is moving, changing, and transforming. I have also vividly noticed the mind's dynamism and its dependent and independent reality. Furthermore, the most intriguing thing is to perceive the dynamic nature of memories and logical patterns of the mind: they are dynamic and without definitive forms, which in turn behave just like water that takes the shape of its container.
No worries – my systemic and epistemological refusal
I do not think, worry, or take seriously other people's judgments about me. Others (including my so-called family members and friends) cannot say anything about me for certain, for several fundamental reasons that no one can possibly know. I have a clearly distinct individual life of my own. I have never opened it and let anybody know about it yet. That is why I simply ignore everything others say. To me, they are simply projecting their flaws, their effects, their likes and dislikes, their emotional issues, and what they suffer to make me one of their scapegoats. This has happened to me often since my childhood. The so-called others around me considered me a problem and a challenge because of my direct reactions and answers. They all tried to do whatever bad they could to harm me and avoid me. But I opened my eyes long before these tricks of ambiguous, narrow-minded, and above all hypocritical world. This is simply a refusal to validate a broken system (SPEC - socio-politic-economic-cultural-civil).
On the other hand, my perspective moves from the personal ("they don't understand me") to the radically analytical ("the structure they operate within is a fabricated and flawed construct"). For example, my argument is that the primary unit of society – the so-called "natural family" is not a biological or divine inevitability but a SPEC construct (Socio-Political-Economic-Cultural), a cleverly designed apparatus for social control and cohesion.
The fish out of water
I have always been a fish out of water when it comes to cultural and civil world relations and communication. I have noted the ambiguous, bigoted, petty-mindedness of conventional society. They habitually answer with cut-and-dried, non-correspondent words and abuse power and status to hide the relative facts. This uncomfortable situation regarding conventional societies, institutes, and religions made it difficult for me to establish healthy and strong relationships. But the catalytic force of my being has always carried me forward despite it all.
Now that I am an adult in every sense: in age, in intelligence, in practical life experience, and above all, having achieved what I always dreamed of from my childhood, I know what I am fundamentally.
So, for more than a week, I have been thinking for the umpteenth time again about writing what comes freely to mind but keeping the experience of the day as the foundation. In this way, I can understand myself as a cultural and civilized individual and how I move within the universal flow.